i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
