I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
