Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
