Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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