My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
