I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
