I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
