I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
ok first of all what the fuck
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
