I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
