My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
