Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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