you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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