We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
