All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
