WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
