So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
