guys are only as good as the porn they watch
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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