there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
