On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
