i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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