I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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