I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
