he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
