not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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