I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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