i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
