peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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