dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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