I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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