Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
