Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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