Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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