Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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