member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Two words: blizzard sex
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
