The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
