I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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