erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
