I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
