do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
