So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
