Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
