i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
