i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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