I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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