rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
