I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
