I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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