Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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