literally had 100 drinks last night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
