Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
