If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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