Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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