so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
