I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
