I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first