FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
