I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
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27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine