Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
