She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest