he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
