i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
