So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
