u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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