We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Holy sore nipples Batman
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This toilet bowl is my home.
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