I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
