I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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