YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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