My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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