You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize