Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
