i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
