is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
