Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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